My friend is pregnant. Her husband does not want to have sex with her, so she uses a vibrator. She says it helps relieve frustration from not having sex. She uses it only on the clitoris, not in her vagina. I say this is still dangerous. She does not want to ask her OB. I am concerned for her and the baby. Is this dangerous or not?

Terri

Assuming your friend is having an uncomplicated pregnancy (no bleeding, placenta previa, preterm labor or any other reason for which her doctor recommended avoiding sex) then there is no reason she cannot have sex -- or use a vibrator. As long as she does not insert the vibrator into her vagina too deeply or forcefully, she can also use it vaginally.

Having an orgasm -- not matter how it is obtained -- is not a problem in the vast majority of pregnancies. It is really only a problem for women who do have a complication such as preterm labor, where the orgasm itself can trigger contractions. Women who have premature rupture of the membranes (PROM) or placenta previa (a condition in which the placenta covers the cervix) should not place anything into their vaginas due to the risk of infection.

I would encourage your friend to talk to her husband about why he will not have sex with her. Many men are afraid of hurting their wives or their babies, but this is a fear without basis. If she -- or better yet, her doctor -- explains to him that sex is okay (after all, it's what gets us pregnant in the first place!), she may not have to resort to the vibrator. If she cannot achieve sexual satisfaction any other way, the vibrator is a safe alternative.