I am a 26-year-old virgin for religious reasons and intend to remain so until marriage. I am trying to get an expert's opinion on something I heard: that after a woman remains a virgin for a certain length of time, it is impossible for her to have sex, perhaps because the vagina does not lubricate properly for lack of use or for other reasons. Is this true or (I hope) only a myth? If there is an element of truth to it, what can I do to avoid this problem?

Wanda

Myth. The first time a woman has sex, it may be painful; the hymen (the membrane near the vaginal opening) is torn, and bleeding usually occurs. It doesn't matter if the woman is 18 or 38.

There are ways to make the first time less uncomfortable. Using tampons with your periods for several months can be helpful, as you will at least be used to having something in your vagina (this is a trick I suggest before first Pap smears as well). Be open and honest with yourself and your partner -- make sure your partner knows it's your first time. Go slow. Lots of foreplay may help with arousal and lubrication. In addition, it's important to discuss your partner's past sexual history. Your partner may not be a virgin and finding out is vital to protecting your own health and taking proper precautions.

Also, don't feel like you have to "go all the way" on your wedding night. For many couples, weddings are incredibly stressful, and there is a feeling that sex on the wedding night has to be earth-shatteringly wonderful -- but sometimes a good cuddle after a long and hectic celebration, saving the consummation of the marriage for another night, is the most loving way to start your life together.