I'm 19, and I'm still a virgin. I'm definitely ready for sex, but someone told me that the first time is very painful. This frightens me. Is it true? Is there anything I can do to lessen the pain?

--Jane

First, are you really sure you are ready? Have you had "the talk" with your potential partner? ("The talk" consists of asking a potential partner about past sexual experiences, including number of sexual partners, homosexual encounters or visits to a prostitute; presence of any sexually transmitted diseases, treated or not, in him or any of his past partners; and use of intravenous drugs at any point in life. All these factors affect risk of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.) Have you discussed birth control options, and do you both agree that even if you use some other form of contraception that he will always wear a condom? If you haven't done the above, then you are definitely not ready to have sex.

The first time a woman has sex may be painful -- and it may not. If you have been using tampons, that may have helped to stretch your hymen. If you and your partner truly care for each other and he is gentle and understanding and will go slowly, then there may be less discomfort. Often, the first time a woman has sex there will be some bleeding as the hymen is torn. Using large amounts of a water-based lubricant (water-based lubricants will not harm the condoms I know you'll use!) may help. Communication is key -- if it hurts and you say "stop" or "slow down," your partner must listen to you and respect your wishes.

I strongly encourage you to visit the gynecologist BEFORE you have sex for the first time. This is a wonderful opportunity to discuss sexually transmitted diseases and contraceptive options. It is important to think about these issues before the fact, not after.